Thursday, June 23, 2011

Dudes I Wish Were My Boyfriend

Boyfriends are cool, I guess. They take you to dinner, they hang out with you on Sunday afternoons, and they make you look like a normal well-adjusted adult at family functions. But instead of finding an actual dude IRL, I spend my days and nights fantasizing about dudes I wish were my boyfriend. Here are my top contenders, who are all, obviously, vying for my affections as you read this:

1. Joshua Jackson- I've had a thing for JJ (that's the nickname I gave him that he doesn't know about yet. It's cool. Don't worry about it.) ever since his days on the Creek. Joey + Pacey 4ever. Even though he's madly in love with Diane Kruger, I still spend an inappropriate amount of time wishing JJ was my BF. The fact that he's such a doting boyf to blondielocks only makes him more attractive to me. I mean, he greets her at the airport with flowers and carries her purse around for her. WHAT MORE COULD YOU NEED?!

2. Rob Sheffield- After reading his memoir, Love Is A Mixtape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time, I placed Rob Sheffield in a special corner of my heart. The corner I had previously reserved for Chuck Klosterman and Ira Glass. He's my sophisticated hypothetical dream BF, who will debate with me for hours on end the timeless question of the 80s: The B52s vs. The Bangles. Let's cuddle.

3. Josh Beech- Going to be really upfront on this one- I literally know nothing about him as a human being. But look at him. Just look at him. He is perfect. If I were to picture my ideal man, this is it. And, get this... He's british. Seriously, stop it. Stop being so attractive. This is probably obvious by now, but I have a not so secret love for boys with tattoos and gauged ears... Yep, I'm permanently 16-years-old.

4. Jason Segel- Homeboy can do no wrong in my book. I fell in love with him on Freaks + Geeks and he has been consistently knocking it out of the park ever since. I Love You, Man, How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall... He's the adorable funny guy I want to have inside jokes with that alienate everyone else in the room. We could spend Sunday nights crafting in our San Francisco loft. (I don't craft.) (He probably doesn't either.)

5. Mike Posner- My attraction and sincere love for Mike Posner is a bit of a curveball to most people. I don't know what the politically correct way to say this is, but he's... a rapper. I'm a card carrying rock girl who feels extremely awkward at hip hop shows. But something about this dude just makes me swoon. It's probably the combination of beardiness/lumberjack appeal with his high pitched girlie voice. He just seems like he would be the most adorable boyfriend in the world, all singing in your ear and shit. Right?! Plus, I'm sure he could teach me how to do a keg stand. (#1 quality I look for in a boyfriend. DUH.)


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