Monday, August 1, 2011

Monday Obsession: Four Loko

I'm here to declare to the world a rather controversial opinion... I LOVE FOUR LOKO. AND I'M NOT EMBARRASSED BY IT. I don't drink it every weekend. In fact, I probably only have it once every few months. But It's my favorite alcoholic beverage ever in the history of ever. Now I know you're sitting there thinking one of three things:

1. What's Four Loko? It sounds Mexican.
2. Ew, seriously this girl is disgusting. I'm never reading this alcoholic's blog again.
3. Where does one even get Four Loko anymore? I thought they discontinued it. Golly, I sure did like that stuff for the brief window of time that it was legal. Hmpf. 

If you're thinking 1 or 2, you're dead to me. As for the rest of you, I'd like to take this time to tell you how I came to have a fridge full of Loko, and some of the adventures we've taken together.
Four Loko and I were in a pretty seriously committed monogomous relationship throughout much of 2010. We didn't hang out all the time, but when we did, boy was he a lot of fun. We would hang out all night, and rage until 4 or 5 in the morning. But dude, Loko was such a dick in the morning. We had the worst fights. Luckily we would always reconcile a few weeks later at a party or something. But for some reason, no one wanted us to be together. Everyone was saying Loko was really unhealthy for me, that he could have adverse effects on my body. I knew him better than anyone though, and I knew he would never intentionally hurt me.

Then, all of the sudden, there was an announcement that he was going to be taken away from me forever. Needless to say, I was devastated. I wasn't going to take this lying down. So I ran out and stocked up on Loko. Lots n lots of Loko. 13 Lokos, to be precise. He mainly has just been hanging out in my frige since then. It just comforted me knowing he was there if I ever wanted him. This weekend, however, we had an epic reunion. Like, Andy Cohen probably should have been there moderating the reunion. It was that amazing.

Loko and I have had some pretty silly times together. This past weekend, we cartwheeled down the street in Brooklyn together. We only fell (hard) once. Last year on Halloween, he made me dress up as a My Little Pony, pink hair and all. Then there was the time he thought it would be a good idea to just start declaring "dance offs" between everybody at a party. That didn't go over that well because apparently people don't like being told to just start dancing on command. Ugh, whatever. Do as I say, not as I do!

I still have 5 Lokos left, and only 3 weeks left in NYC. It's probably not advisable to bring Loko back home with me to Ohio. I don't think the Midwest would treat him right. How should we spend our final nights together? Ugh, saying goodbye is going to be SO hard.


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