Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Top 5 Cries

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Everyone gets a bit sad. A little weepy. A tid bit depressed.
Ok fine. I admit it. The inside of my apartment has seen a whole hell of a lot of crying. For that matter, so has my desk at work, the bathroom at work, the NYC subway, every movie theater in the East Village, and the back of quite a few cabs. I will readily admit to anyone who is willing to listen: I'm a crier. A full fledged baby when it comes to life. I cry on average once a day. That sounds like a lot, but allow me to explain.
I don't define crying as tears streaming down my face necessarily. I determine it as tearing up, nostrils flaring like I'm on Grey's Anatomy, and a potential lump in the back of my throat. I don't think free flowing tears are required for my broad based definition of crying. Much more than anything for me, crying is an emotional experience that actually has very little to do with the physical manifestation of tears. (Can you tell I think about this a lot? You would too if you were known as the "crying girl" among your friends.) But don't let all of this fool you, most of the time when I "cry"- I actually sob uncontrollably and just don't want to label it as such. Or I at least need to step into the bathroom of the movie theater for a sec to get my shit together. Real talk.

There are a few different cries. I am well versed in all of them. Here are my favorites:

5. The Happy Cry- Who doesn't love a good Happy Cry? It's the most exciting kind, and least embarrassing. Often caused by good news or long anticipated reunions or Christmas presents, it leaves the crier feeling overwhelmed with joy and kind of impressed that they still have the ability to get excited by anything in the world to the point of tears. It's kind of cool to realize that you didn't lose that ability when you lost all of your baby teeth. Truly genuine happiness is possible, if even for a moment.

4. The Movie/TV Cry- Some shit is just made with the intention of forcing people to cry. You can't tell me the team behind "Stepmom" made that movie sans evil intentions of making every woman in the movie theater leave with black tears streaming down her face and snot on her sweater. I enjoy the Movie Cry, although it's often embarrassing. Can we all just agree to not turn to each other and say "OMG, are you actually crying? LOLOLOL" in the middle of movies anymore? I used to do this to my poor Mother as a child, and I feel endlessly guilty about it. Crying happens. Let's not judge each other for it. Especially when Susan Sarandon has to leave her children to be raised by their 20-something Stepmom who's like totally gorgeous!

3. The Angry Cry- Ever get so mad at someone or something that you just burst out into tears? Common recipients of the Angry Cry are parents and boyfriends, at least for me. The Angry Cry is infuriating, because you want to make your point, but the stupid person you're fighting with is just so damn dumb that they can't for the life of them just admit that you're right. (BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS ARE!) Thus the tears are born out of frustration and sheer unwillingness to admit defeat. Also, sometimes exhaustion. 3am fights often wield a good Angry Cry.

2. The Bad News Cry- Those phone calls are the worst. A few stick out in my memory straight away. They are the kinds of phone calls you can't forget even if you try. These cries happen instantly and usually last a few days. At the end of it, you're left dehydtrated and just as confused as ever. But the crying becomes soothing in a weird way- almost like some sick twisted medicine your body has invented. I know this sounds like the losery-est thing, but crying yourself to sleep after bad news bears days feels amazing. It's the best sleep of your life, I promise. While the bad news is never welcomed, the cry at the end of it most definitely is.

1. The No Specific Reason Cry- Ohhhhh, you. You're a fucking trip. I don't know why you happen, but boy, do you. Dane Cook has an amazing joke about these cries that pretty much explains it all, and it makes me feel better to know that Dane Cook, too, knows the value of a good cry. You go through your entire day at work with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Who knows why? It doesn't matter. You just feel it all. And you need to let it the fuck out. But you have to get through your day. Through those meetings, or class, or working at the McDonalds, you know.. what have you. But then... there's the light at the end of the tunnel. The sweet release of sobbing once you walk in your doorway. And these aren't little cries. These are big ass ghasping for air sobs, like someone just punched you in the stomach. These are the kinds of cries that leave you nauseous, and yet feeling better about yourself as a human being at the same time. These are the kinds of cries that can take up an entire night if you let them. And here's how: first, you start crying for whatever dumb reason in the world. And you're crying, crying crying. And then something else sad comes into your head. And you cry about that. And then another thing. And then another. Before you know it, you're standing in the middle of your apartment in your underwear, leaking fluids from every possible place on your face, screaming the lyrics to Alanis Morissette "Perfect." It's THE BEST crying song. Do me a favor. Next time you're sad, just throw on some even more depressing music and give into it. It feels phenomenal.

We can't all be happy all the time. Being sad doesn't mean you're depressed. It means you're human and sometimes, life gets heavy and you just have to let it all out. A quality cry is good for the soul. Especially with a little Alanis in the background.
carmen

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