Saturday, September 24, 2011

Daddy Q's Words of Wisdom: Football Insights

Well hello there, Daddy Q fans, AKA anyone who's ever met my family. I don't know if this is a Midwest thing, or a man thing, but football has sort of become a way of life for my family. Growing up, it didn't just take over Monday nights or Sunday afternoons in the Fall. It's not even that my brothers played high school football- they didn't. And I so wasn't that girl that made a big ruckus so that I could play on the boys football team. Come on, who do you think I am? I like getting mani/pedis too much. No, football's just been an obsession for Daddy Q, and by proxy, all of the Qs. So much so that somehow, it has sort of become present in our everyday talk. Not only that, but I can't watch football games in public without becoming a crazy person. I don't quite know how it happened, but I think it has something to do with Daddy Q. Or more directly, he's to blame.

See, when I watch football out in public, it's like I no longer have a vagina. I lose any cuteness I've ever had and become this burping, yelling, beer guzzling dude. (If I'm being honest, the beer guzzling kind of happens all the time, but that's not the point here.) I've only come to realize this habit since being home and watching football in front of my Mom. The exact sentence, I believe, was "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?" The worst part was- I didn't even know. Now that I'm aware of it, I'm consciously trying to change it. Sitting in front of the TV, hovered over the chips and salsa, screaming while wildly gesturing with my hands? I sort of thought that was normal. But guess what guys? It's not. You don't have to yell at the TV. Cause get this- the players can't actually hear you!!!!

But even though he taught me some bad football watching habits, Daddy Q also taught me some of my favorite football related lingo- the best part is, it totes applies to real life. Funny how that works. My favorite, and probably most frequently used is the exclamation, "FUMBLE!" whenever anyone drops something. For those of you not familiar with football, a fumble is when a player loses control of the ball before being tackled, going out of bounds or scoring. It could be a professor dropping all the tests accidentally in class, a waitress dropping a glass, or an old lady dropping her purse on her way to her car. What pretty much always comes out of my mouth without even a thought is "FUMBLE!" It's not that I even want to say it. Sometimes I don't, actually. But I do. I always do say it. It actually comes in handy. As opposed to saying "Oh, no let me help you with that." you get to make fun of them! That's so my MO. Another one of my favorites, which I mainly use while actually watching football is "You touch it, you catch it!" Ah, Daddy Q. So insightful. If you're the receiver and the quarterback throws you the ball, if you're able to touch the ball, that means you should be able to catch it. None of this bobbling the ball and losing it business. You touch it, you catch it. Come on bro. I could make a connection to real life through touching a boy's penis, meaning you have to love him/date him or something... But it's just too much of a stretch for me. You get the idea though.

It's football season, folks. I would really like to be like Coach Taylor from FNL and leave you with some inspirational words. When I asked Daddy Q to give his best football pep talk, this is what he said:

Dad: Clear eyes. Full hearts...

Me: You can't use an actual Coach Taylor speech, Dad!!

Dad: What's the saying anyway? Clear eyes. Full hearts? Full eyes?

Me: No, dad. Like, a real speech or insight or wisdom or something. And you can't steal it from TV!!

Dad: Ugh, okay fine. What I always used to say to them- I don't know who them is... But whatever... So the statement is- Make your first hit the hardest hit of the day. That will set the tone.

Me: Wowwwwwww.

Dad: Your first hit is your hardest hit.


1 comment:

  1. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!! Ahhh coach Taylor...(sigh)


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