Thursday, September 1, 2011

Daddy Q's Words of Wisdom: On Leaving the House On Time


My parents are both amazing human beings. They raised me and my two brothers in a loving home, and when we were teenagers they even let us swear in front of them. It was fucking magical. But getting all five of us out the door for anything- whether it was a soccer game, a dinner reservation, or a road-trip to Texas (24-hour drive. We made the trip multiple times. Mexicans are crazy.)- we couldn't ever really manage to make it out of the house at the right time. Now, if you know anything about family dynamics, you should know that everyone is always looking to blame someone else for just about everything. And everyone was always looking to defend themselves at any cost. Like that time my brother SWORE he didn't clog the upstairs bathroom? Yeah, everyone just believed it was me who did it. How can a 6-year-old little girl clog a toilet? WE JUST DON'T POOP THAT MUCH!!! Anyway, it's called the blame game, and everyone in my family is pretty good at it. But no one wants to be the one responsible for making everyone late, because then you get ragged on the while car ride. (Is this going to be one of those times that I think something applies to everyone but then realize it's just my family? Hope not.) Here's how Daddy Q deals with getting out of the house on time...

First off, Daddy Q is almost never the reason our family can't get out the door. But on the occasion that he actually is doddling around, this little gem still works. You just have to at least be making moves to get out the door. Let me paint you a picture: someone starts yelling "CAN WE GO?" which is usually my Mom, always watching the clock. Then out of nowhere you here this little pearl of wisdom from my Daddy: "IF YOU'RE WAITIN' ON ME, YOU'RE BACKIN' UP!" And I die.  So simple yet so effective. For those of you who don't quite speak fluent Daddy Q, allow me to explain. "If you're waitin' on me, you're backin' up" basically means if you're ready, let's freakin' go- if I'm the one you're waiting for, you're going backwards, dude. It's basically the Daddy Q way of saying "I'm ready- let's go." Or, as he explained it to me, "You ain't waitin' on me, dog. I'm always ready to go. I was born ready." (He's awesome, right? I like to think of him as Will Farrell IRL, meets everyone from all of the Bad Boys movies, meets a Mexican Dad, with Coach Taylor aspirations.) "If you're waitin' on me, you're backin' up" has become something that everyone in my family says. It's weird to me that everyone doesn't say it, and a lot of people don't even really get it. So I bequeath it upon you to use as you will. Be kind to it.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is part one of my Father's wisdom. The one and only Daddy Q. (I don't know if he's actually the one and only. Come to think of it, there are many other  Daddy Q's in the world, I'm sure- Daddy Quinn, Daddy Qui, Daddy Quiznos... The possibilities are endless. But you get the idea.)
carmen

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