Friday, October 21, 2011

Top 5 Favorite Rachel Zoe Quotables

Anyone who knows me at all already knows my level of worship for Rachel Zoe is literally off the charts. I want to be her gay best friend. Seriously. Like you know how some girls get really depressed because they're single and no one wants to marry them? I get depressed because Rachel Zoe doesn't know that I even exist, let alone the fact that I'd be the perfect person to be her lifelong BFF. It hurts. If you're a straight man who has mistakenly made his way onto my blog and are unclear as to who Rachel Zoe is, let me try to explain to you the fierce fashion superstar that is my idol... Rachel Zoe is a celebrity stylist, who has styled Nicole Richie, Anne Hathaway, Molly Sims, Demi Moore, etc, and basically runs celebrity fashion. Her fabulosity garnered her a TV show on Bravo, The Rachel Zoe Project, which has been my number one source of fashion porn for the past four years. She's basically an all around diva and shares my personal belief that every day in life is an opportunity for a fashion moment. (Yeah, I said that like I don't wear sweatpants at home. I do. But I'm not proud. Don't tell RZ, plz.) Apart from the gorgeous fashion on the show, my favorite thing about The Rachel Zoe Project is all of the insanity that comes out of Rachel's mouth. She kills me. I don't even know where she comes up with most of the shit she says. It's so off the wall and nonsensical, I obviously love it. Over the years, people have come to identify her with using the word "bananas" to describe everything. I'm the first one to admit that I use that word like crazy now, too. Word credit: RZ. But my dream-BFF has some other amazing quotables that I feel like aren't getting enough love. We need to embrace the Rachel-speak. Time to incorporate some of these into your every day lexicon. If people don't understand you, just laugh at them and say "Oh. My. God. You're being totally bananas." And then bring up NY Fashion Week. It's what Rachel would do.

5. "I die."- If you don't already use this, or know someone who does, you're obviously not hanging out with enough Fag Hags. Whenever I love something to the nth degree, the only thing that I can respond with is "I die." Sometimes it causes confusion, to be sure. If someone hasn't heard the phrase yet, they literally don't know what to do with themselves. Dying is bad, right? So I die is like, the worst thing ever? WRONG! Get in the game, people! Dying is, like, the best thing ever in fashion. Death by fashion, OBVI! It's the perfect over the top exclamation to describe anything and everything.

4. "Not gonna lie...."- This is a new RZ saying as of this season. She simply uses it before any statement of fact. In this past episode, "Do I Look Fat or Just Pregnant" she said one of the most endearing things ever, re: not wearing maternity dresses, and instead opting for vintage couture: "Not gonna lie, I'm really testing the seams of these dresses." So next time you're not going to lie, just start your sentence by letting everyone know, "HEY, I'M NOT LYING!!!" I think it really just puts everyone at ease to know that for once you're telling the truth.

3. "I literally can't deal with this right now."- (I couldn't find Rachel saying it, but even better, I found Amy Phillips doing a parody of it.) I love my RZ unconditionally. But homegirl can complain like nobody's business. She leads a fairly stressful life, to be fair. I know fashionistas can get a bad rap for being vapid, narcissistic and materialistic. Maybe that's true. But RZ isn't your average fashionista. She runs around from photo shoot to photo shoot, styling totally gorg looks. Then she styles people for red carpet events. THEN she works on launching her own line. THEN she hangs out with her super rad husband and gay pretend husbands. It's not exactly the life of leisure. If you watch her show... she kind of makes that point super clear. Literally every other scene is her saying that she's "so stressed out right now. Like, I literally can't function." Oh, did I mention she was like 87 months pregnant during the filming of this season? Girl is a trooper. A complainer, too. But that's okay. We love her for who she is... A gay man in stilettos.

2. "Beyond Major"- I like getting new words and lingo from people. Rachel Zoe is my ultimate catch phrase source. She has such bizarrely unique ways of describing things- as a speaker of the English language, I'm in awe. The only problem being that, much like "I die," "Beyond Major" doesn't really make sense to the untrained ear. But there's logic to it, people. RZ describes something when it's beyond beyond. More major than major. So what is that? BEYOND MAJOR! I find this phrase lends itself best to fashion and all things girlie. Not really useable to describe real life things. "That test was beyond major." Nope. "So I just got a latte from Starbucks, it's totally beyond major." Failblog. It might be a specific kind of catch phrase, but I'm still obsessed with it.

1. "It's everything."- RZ's use of the word everything to describe... everything, is where her language really kills me. (In a good way.) When something is beyond beyond major, it's "everything." Meaning, it's like "OMG I live and die for this dress. It's everything." I realize that I've fully transitioned into unintelligible language here, but I'm hoping my gays are still with me. I love that RZ can take a word- a totally normal, everyday word- and spin it so it not only confuses all straight men in a 10 mile radius, but describes fashion in the most idiotically awesome way. Isn't that the perfect description of what you feel when you find the tan over the shoulder bag you've been searching for since last fall? It's everything.
Bonus- Her overuse of the word literally. I die.

Thank you Rachel Zoe, for making my language even more colorful than it was before I met you (through the TV.) I'll be sitting by my phone, waiting for your call inviting me to hang out.

Any day now...

1 comment:

  1. Ha! I love this post- I'm a new follower, but I found this post after you mentioned it in your Kardashian post. I love RZ and her catch phrases are my favorite. It's nice to find someone that shares the RZ love!


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