I have a BFF, and she just so happens to be a baby. Her name is Aleena, and she's the best baby ever. I mean, she's not like a two week old or anything- she's 10 months old and can totally hold her head up. That's my cut off in terms of friendship- you have to at least be able to support the weight of your own head, before you can support me and my life problems. I have to have a limit, guys! Aleena is one of my family friend's kids and I babysit her every week or so. And by babysit, I mean hang out and giggle. She has the happiest disposition of any baby I've ever met (so like... best of 3. Not bad.)
Being BFFs with a baby probably sounds like it would be super difficult, but guys- it's kind of the ideal friendship. Here's why: Aleena listens to all of my problems, and never has anything negative to say in response- ever. She never cancels plans on me. She always lets me pick out her outfits and give her all kinds of fashion advice. She always wants to play with baby toys, which is great for a permanent child like me. She's not super distant and aloof- she clings to my side like a dryer sheet. There's no second guessing her commitment to our friendship. She never disagrees with me in conversation- like that one time I was telling her about how I will support the Kardashians as a family until the end of time. She just nodded right along. Anyone else would slap me in the face for such a comment. I guess what I'm trying to say is- Aleena likes me for me. Just like in that Blessed Union of Souls song. What more could a girl ask in a friend?
That's not to say our friendship is not without its complications. I mean, I don't want to out her here or anything, but Aleena makes me feed her. She won't even pick out her own food. I think part of that has to do with the fact that she can't walk yet, so she can't actually see up on the shelf to pick her own food. But that's really neither here nor there. Also, this is kind of crosses the line... But she makes me change her diaper. I don't have any other friends who make me do that. I mean, I guess its a bonding experience but HELLO- codependent! It's like, come on. I get that you want to bond in every way possible, but I have to draw the line somewhere. And I think I should draw it at poop. Plus like, she goes to bed really, really early. She never wants to go out at night and meet boys with me or anything. It's like as soon as the clock hits 7:30 she just haaaaas to go to bed. I mean, I'm all for getting your eight hours of sleep or whatever, but she has to be getting like at least 14 hours a night. I know they call it beauty rest, but I don't actually think she could get any cuter than she is right now. It's just not fair.
All of that considered, Aleena is still my favorite baby BFF ever. I mean, I can take a little poop in exchange for baby giggles. Nothing beats a little munchkin coming up and putting their arms around you and smiling. It's like instant uterus explosion. Look at this face. You just can't ever get sad about anything in the world when this face is right in front of you.