Friday, December 30, 2011

Don't Drown In A Sea of Sadness

Part of being a super confused 20-something is sometimes buying a quart of Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk, turning the Boys II Men up to full blast and just letting your emotions run down your face. Other times, you have to lock it the hell up because crying at work is not acceptable, or so they keep telling you. Well alright, so I can't cry at work, or at parties, or on dates, or in front of the kids I babysit for... WHAT THE HELL!? How am I supposed to go like 95% of my life without crying? It seems impossible, I know. But seeming outwardly like a semi-well adjusted adult is kind of important once you've graduated college. It's no longer acceptable to wear sweatpants outside of the house, and it sure as hell isn't acceptable to break down crying "just because you feel sad" at work. So, you may ask, how the hell do you become a fully functioning non-crying adult with stifled emotions? I'll tell you how!

First, I'm going to hit you with quick fixes. These are go-to songs and videos to put a smile on your face even if you dog just got ran over (or more likely, you feel the world crashing down around you because you're twenty-GHASP-three and haven't made your first million yet.)

1. Frankie Vallie & The Four Seasons- Big Girls Don't Cry
2. Dance Like Nobody's Watching Video (it makes me want to get up and do things.)
3. Jimmy Eat World- The Middle (I literally sing this song to myself when I feel overwhelmed with life. I'm pathetic.)
4. The Cuppy Cake Song (as lipsyched by a chubby kid, who is the most adorable creature ever created.)
5. Sitting On The Toilet Video (This has never not made me laugh. Am I the only one who sometimes sings this song when I, too, am sitting on the toilet?)

So okay, staving off a cry for a little bit is easy enough. Internet giggles and inspiration are definitely helpful in this regard. But sometimes us crazy people require something that keeps the tears at bay for much longer than an hour or two. As a person of high highs and low lows, I definitely know what it's like to be so sincerely bummed that I just don't want to do anything. Getting both feet out of bed is task enough, let alone putting on clothes and even contemplating doing my hair. Vomit. I'm happy to say this isn't a common occurrence, but when it happens it's really debilitating. What then?
Truth be told, it's something different for everyone. We all have our little pep-me-ups, but these are the steps I take that work for me in the morning when I've got a case of the blues:

1. Before getting out of bed, turn on your computer. (Yes, I sleep with my laptop right next to me. Yes, I'm single. Yes, I refuse to think there might be a link between the two.) Skip the every morning email check and head straight for the music. Blast your happy song. For me it's Wiz Khalifa "The Thrill" Grouplove "Tongue Tied" or anything by Lady Gaga. Something to just get you moving and pepped up.
2. Shower. Warm water makes life okay. When you get out, put on pretty undies, not that cotton shit you usually wear.
3. Put on something you've worn before and you know looks good on you. Your "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" Maria from West Side Story outfit, or at least something that you don't feel gross in. We're not reinventing the wheel here, just getting dressed.
4. With hair and makeup, go almost tranny going out for the night over the top, but not quite. You still have to be appropriate for life, but putting in extra effort into yourself really will make you feel better about yourself throughout the day.
5. Eat breakfast, for real. I do tons of water and fresh fruit. It gives you energy and wakes your body up for the day. (I'm going to try to act like I don't drink Diet Coke in the morning. It's a gross habit, but so yummy.)
6. Any extra morning time spend watching the above Youtube videos, listening to music, or watching mindless TV. Don't go on Facebook/Twitter/anything that could make you feel sad about the state of your life. Trust me, it's a slippery slope. At first you're just refreshing your FB, next thing you know your ex-bf is engaged to the chick he dumped you for. NO ONE WANTS THAT AT 8AM!
7. Most importantly, keep your thoughts positive as much as possible. Downer thoughts lead to bad things. Happy thoughts lead to good things and happy outcomes. I know it sounds silly, but having your own little personal happy mantra is really really helpful. It works really well for me.
Some I use on the regs:

{This too shall pass.}   My Mom always said this to me growing up. I love it so much that I tattooed it on my foot. Bad times don't last forever and neither do the good.
{I love to smile. Smiling's my favorite!}  I think we all remember this quote from Elf. It always makes me remember how much better life is with a smile. Momentarily faking happiness sometimes leads to genuine happiness.
{I am exactly where I am supposed to be.}  Not to egregiously play the young kid trying to figure their life out card, but consider it played. All of this confusion and weirdness is all somehow part of something that's going to be awesome.
{I am me, me be. Goddamn, I am.}  A little Weezer never hurt anybody. These are lyrics from "The Undone Sweater Song" that I have always loved. It makes me feel like even if I wish I was born as Zooey Deschanel, I wasn't. I'm me. So... cool. 
{This day will never happen again.}  I'm the queen of cheese. Even though this statement is cheesy, it's TRUE. Even if you're D in the Ds (down in the dumps), you're never going to get a December 30th, 2011 ever again. This day can be beautiful if you let it.
{Don't worry. Everything is going to be amazing.} We've all seen this graphic around the internet, and I srsly love it. It's just so... true. Really. Think about it, guys. This all will work out, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Stop worrying and getting upset. In the end, it really will be amazing. And by it, I mean life.
{What would Rachel Zoe do?}  The internet is aware of my serious love for RZ. When I'm having a horrible day, I seriously ask myself this question. Like, would she sit and pout because some dude didn't call her for a second date? First off, that would never happen. But whatever. Not the point. Pick yourself up, get a huge Starbucks tea and spend the day with some sassy gay men. It's what RZ would do.

Bad days happen. Bad weeks happen. Hell, bad months happen, too. But I'm a firm believer in surrounding yourself with positivity in every way possible. Find happiness in little things- like prewarming your car, a nice call with your BFF, or wearing a shit ton of oversized rings just because it's Tuesday. That always makes me happy. Not drowning in this muddled mess of life is an everyday decision. Always, always, always choose happiness and positivity over cynicism and negativity.


  1. I was having a crappy day and I really enjoyed reading this. I think your right about Facebook and stuff. It sucks when you check your Fbook first thing in the AM and you see something that bums you out.

  2. I love your blog! Even though this was more of a "serious" subject rather than a "fun" one, I still caught myself genuinely giggling.


  3. aw. you're so honest and just real, i love that! happy near year!

  4. Okay, so I just came across your blog and I'm freaking smitten with it! You are seriously hilarious and witty and entertaining! I'm going to include this post in my 'start your week off with..' feature next monday.


  5. holy geez. i love this post more than anything & it's the first time reading your blog. i really needed this, as I have just gained more of a full schedule and needed a little positivity to kick it off!


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