I have this nasty habit of calling things rude absolutely all of the time. If anyone says or does something I don't like, my automatic response is to yell out "RUDE!" no matter who they are or where we're at. Trust, when I yelled it at the pastor at church on Christmas Eve for insinuating Mary wasn't actually a virgin during his sermon, it definitely caused more than a little tension. But like, seriously- HOW RUDE! Ha, JK we skipped church this Christmas. Sorry, Jesus.
Yelling out "rude" at the worst possible time to the worst possible people in my life has become second nature. I naively thought my outbursts were as bad as they could get. Obviously, if you know anything about me and my life, you know I was wrong. It all got much, much worse. Back in New York, I have two dude friends who came up with a new word that has replaced "rude" in my vocabulary and actually fills a huge gap in my lexicon. I cannot thank them enough for this beautiful vocabulary gift. What do you call it when something is both rude and true? TRUDE!!! I'm going to pause and let you think about that for a moment.
It's like the world has finally shifted into focus, right?! I don't know how my life even existed before "trude." How did I possibly get through a single day without the word? It describes so many things! My Mom telling me I look like a butch lesbian when I wear plaid, everyone ever in my life calling me a fag hag, the mere existence of Kim Kardashian as a human being. IT'S THE BEST WORD EVER INVENTED IN THE HISTORY OF WORDS!
The only current downfall of "trude" is the reach of the word. Right now, I'd say it has about a 200 person reach, at most. Certainly not enough to use it in casual conversation with random people. I mean, there's nothing I hate more than calling something trude, and then having to pause to define it for people. It's like explaining abbrevs- it just kind of ruins their purpose. My success rate with "trude" is somewhere around 85%. Most people find it hilarious and start using it immediately. But man, those other 15% HATE it. These are also the sort of people who still don't know what WTF stands for, and still don't understand half of the dialogue in Juno. AKA, not my sort of dudes. At this point, we as a people need to focus on spreading "trude" so that it becomes normal. Like, I want this word defined in the dictionary. I WILL NOT SLEEP UNTIL WEBSTER ACKNOWLEDGES "TRUDE!"
(That's not true at all. I have to get at least six hours a night or I'm worthless, plus I really like naps. So, yeah. We'll get in in the dictionary like... eventually. Whenever we get around to it. No rush or anything. Like, maybe just before I die. OR- genius thought here- maybe it'll be my dying wish. Great, right?!)
So next time your Dad inappropriately calls someone on The Biggest Loser fat, your little brother refers to your boobs as mosquito bites, or your Grandma awkwardly makes fun of minorities by reinforcing cultural stereotypes, you know what to say. Also, you can back Grandma up on that whole Mexicans being lazy thing. Like I said, I really like naps. Except when I'm with my people, we call them siestas and they're just a normal part of the work day. Whatever, you're just mad you didn't think of it first.