Thursday, February 16, 2012

An Open Letter To Chris Brown


Dear CB (& fans),
First off, let me just start by saying- REALLY?!?!?!??!?!?

Originally that was all I was even going to say, but I feel like this whole "situation" deserves more than can be conveyed with an annoyed, judgmental "really?!" So here goes:

So Chris, I saw you on the Grammys on Sunday. I have to tell you, I was not pleased. We'll get into how much you suck as a human later, but let's talk about the suckiness of your performance first, shall we? Last time I checked, (2 seconds ago via Google), the Grammys are still a music awards show, not a dance awards show. That's a well documented fact. So why did you get onstage and lipsync and dance? This is not ABDC, an amazing dance competition show produced by Randy Jackson. Were you lost? Did someone misinform you and tell you you were performing on ABDC?! I sincerely don't get it. Sure, it might be acceptable for Britney Spears (still not okay) but you're not even on her level. It's the GRAMMYS! You couldn't get up there and multitask a little bit? Wanted to save your energy for a different performance? Dude. Not okay. The performance was abismal. No offense. (Seriously though, this is about to get way more offensive. So.....) 

I wouldn't even have to be writing this open letter if you weren't allowed to perform on the Grammys in the first place. So I definitely think there are other people to blame here. But hey, while I'm writing at you, why don't I just take this all out on you? Sound good? Here's the thing- beating women isn't something that I'm okay with, or could ever be okay with. You're a big bag of douche. 4 years post-Rihanna Grammys incident, I'm still not ready to be all buddy buddy with you, dude. Stop forcing your way into my life! Get off my TV screen!!! Beating a woman isn't something I can ever just forget. You're never NOT going to be that idiot that went HAM on his super famous girlfriend the night before the Grammys. You will always be that guy to me. I'm definitely not speaking for America here or anything, just me as a person. BUT SERIOUSLY- GO AWAY! I know you've gone through all of this counseling or whatever and you're trying to make up for it, but I don't buy it. I really don't. The internet is telling me you're using "I promise I won't beat you" as a pick-up line on women. Really? I'm giving you a look right now that you just can't see. You deserve a punch in the groin. I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't make music anymore. That's not my call. But I sure as shit wouldn't be working with you if I were still in the music business. It would be like a Jewish woman working with Hitler because he said sorry and went to anger management classes. NOPE. That dog won't hunt, buddy. (Yes, I'm making a wildly offensive comparison here. Deal with it.)

This is where I'm going to yell at Chris Brown's fans. Sit back and enjoy it, fellow CB-haters. COME ON, GUYS! What is so amazing about this dude that you can't just not buy his music?! It's not like he's Michael Jackson. If you just thought to yourself "He kind of is." then I need you to slap yourself in the face for me. HE IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THAT LEVEL! I just don't understand how any woman in the world can buy Chris Brown's records & go to his concerts without feeling even a twinge of guilt. He beat up a woman- and not just any woman- RIHANNA! She's like our goddess of rhythmic pop music. As women, we should all be able to agree on hating this idiot. That's just like the rules of feminism. But seriously, all of his female fans should know better. Yes, I am trying to guilt you into hating him. Whatever. It's working, isn't it?

At the end of the day, Chris Brown, most people will never be able to hear your name without automatically thinking of the fact that you beat up Rihanna. I wish the Grammys would stop rewarding someone like you for mediocre music and horrible personal decisions, but unfortunately I'm not in charge of the world. I'm not going to like stalk you and punch you in the face or anything. But I need you to get out of my life. JUST GIVE ME MY SPACE, CB! We're not friends.

Also, damn you for making me take the time & energy to write this in the first place. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to things I love, mainly listening to Rihanna and screaming "LALALA I HATE CHRIS BROWN!" 

JK. I don't actually do that. I am going to listen to Rihanna though.


15 comments:

  1. omg I totally agree with you! I was talking to someone about this the other day, saying what a vile man he is, and the other girl went 'Rihanna was probably asking for it though', at which point I went slightly mental haha! Amazing blog btw :) x

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    1. Oh my gosh, a girl could never do anything to warrant that kind of beating! UGH! People are CRAZY!!!!

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  2. I can't believe he is using that as a pick up line! What a sleaze bag! I can't believe he is still famous after everything that he did to Rihanna! Did you see ever see when Any Levy had to apologize to him?

    If not: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOjUKwoHUyw

    You should watch it Carmen!

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    1. OH MY GOSH! First time I've ever seen that. He's seriously my new hero. He said everything I wanted to say- but WAY better hahaha

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  3. LOL He is such a douche bag. I was working at an up market cinema in sydney a few years back and he must have been in town for a concert and he came by with a bunch of his hoes. You needed to be over 18 to be in the part of of cinema I worked in and all these girls were too young. I though that was completely sleazy...plus he was sleazy towards all the female staff. Like i said, DOUCHE BAG.

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    1. UGH. Even more of a reason to dislike him!! Gross gross gross.

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  4. What makes me SICK is that there are young girls on Twitter saying "I would totally let Chris Brown beat me up"...
    I feel like it's a complete slap in the face to all of us/our families/our friends who have been abused and beaten. Sick to my stomach.

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    1. I SAW THAT TWITTER STUFF!! Seriously made me want to vomit. They should really know better. HE'S NOT THAT GREAT!!!

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  5. hahah yeah I read today that he used that as a pick up line. He's good at digging himself into holes. Almost as good as Kanye West. They should be Bffs.

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    1. Lol I bet they are. At least Kanye doesn't beat girls up.... He just makes them cry at awards shows haha

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  6. There are so many young girls out there who blame Rihanna for what happened. I worked with a 12 year old for 6 months who adored Chris Brown, but hated Rihanna. It was so warped, so warped.
    We tried to talk to her and ask her 'what if it had been your friend that he attacked', and only then did she get a little conflicted.

    I am so worried for the young women of the world who think that domestic violence is ok.

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    1. That's SO distressing. It makes me want to cry. I wish something could ge through to these girls and make them realize that wrong is wrong & Chris Brown is no exception to that. Girls are never to blame!!!

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  7. These are my thoughts EXACTLY. And while Rihanna may in fact be a freak (I heard they're doing a song together...?!??? She may or may not be a legit masochist.) Chris Brown still sucks in every respect. Also, did you see his tweet after the Grammys?! I DO NOT follow him, but I saw an article post that he goes "HATE ALL U WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That's the ultimate F**** OFF!" Yea.. he sucks.

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  8. This has just made my day. I'm glad someone else feels the same. You;ve made me like your blog EVEN more.

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  9. I just found your blog today and this post is perfect!
    I feel the same way! 100%. Took the words right out of my mouth!

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Thank you for taking the time to comment! It's lovely hearing from you :)