Thursday, March 1, 2012

March 1st//Don't Be A Cynical Dick.

Happy March 1st, Internet-dwellers! It's a new month. I like to treat the beginning of every month like mini-New Years Day. I make silly resolutions and try to keep them all month. (Am I the only one who does this?) While I'm definitely not going to share with you my March resolutions, which do not in any way involve an attempt to shave my legs more or not fall asleep with my laptop on my chest every night, I am going to give free resolutions to other people. Or more accurately, I'm going to tell people (anyone reading this) what they need to stop doing and/or start doing. Mainly, I'm just going to tell you how to live your life. I think it'll be a fun little post to kick off every month with, no? Who doesn't love reading all about what they're doing wrong with their lives?! I mean, if I had someone as awesome as me giving me free advice, I'd be welcoming it with a (white kid) gangster head nod. The funny thing is, this month in particular, my advice probably doesn't apply to most people who are reading this, but a message you can help me spread. It's just something that has been bugging me for months that I MUST get off my chest (much like my laptop.) You probably have people in your life that could that could use this advice. My resolution for the world this month: stop being a cynical dick. (See why most of you don't need it? BUT STILL! Spread the message of anti-dickness! Stop letting people in your life be cynical assholes!)

Here's the deal: cynicism is gross. Being pessimistic and all "Life is terrible and you're stupid. Tra-la-la-la-la..." is extremely unattractive. I may have done it when I was 16, but I also wore gaucho pants then, too. It's called a phase, people. It's about time to grow out of it! I mean, a bad attitude is something that I have zero patience for. But what I have negative a million patience for is shit talking happy people. Seriously, making fun of people only highlights your own insecurities. I mean, amirite or amirite?! They taught us that in like second grade. You make fun of happy people because you're unhappy. I don't know what it is, but I keep on running into people who think their cynicism is really unique and cool. They think that being permanently bummed out, (or as I like to call it, rockin' the permabum), makes them superior to all other humans. Well, guess what dudes?! IT DOESN'T! You know what's way better than being cynical and moody? BEING A HAPPY HUMAN!!! Honestly. I know that life is hard, but walking through it with a frown on your face only makes you less attractive for other people to look at. At least if you're smiling, you'll look like a normal human on the outside. Let's think about it- you have two options:

1. Go through life like everything sucks & make sure everyone knows how unhappy you are and all about your superiority complex
2. Go through life Lisa Frank style- with lots of gay penguins & rainbow leopards (of questionable sexuality)

... Okay, maybe there are actually more than two options. But that's not the point. I'm currently rockin' the permabum because of how many people my age I've met recently who seem to think they're awesome simply because they can come up with a witty comment to make everyone else in the room feel like poo-poo. Here's what- it's totally not difficult to make fun of most people... me especially. I'm a full grown adult who can't go for more than 3 hours with out a Diet Coke and nail polish & glitter are two of my favorite topics of conversation. It lends itself to jokes. (And by it, I mean me.) Truth be told, I can take people making fun of me. I grew up with two older brothers. But it crosses a line when people start attacking the people I love, particularly Zooey Deschanel & similar funny ladies. Guys, THEY'RE FAMOUS! Sitting in a bar, drinking PBR and making fun of ZD for being "twee" just makes you look sad. While you're doing that, ZD is off making cash money and starring in a TV show. What have you done lately?! Cynicism doesn't get you anywhere. Negativity begets negativity. The more you put out there, the more you get back. There's probably a statistic about how pessimistic people are 75% more unhappy than optimistic people, but I'll let you believe the made up number I just came up with off the top of my head. 75% sounds legit, right?

Anyway- I get that everyone has different personalities. Different strokes for different folks and all that. But what I'm asking for everyone to resolve to do this month is simple- DON'T BE A CYNICAL DICK. Easy enough. Don't make fun of someone because they're an easy target. Don't roll your eyes like you're too good to do something. (I've definitely been guilty of doing this in the past and it's a really great way to miss out on doing some awesome shit.) Don't have a negative attitude just because it's easier. Don't poke fun at someone just because they're different than you. Don't see the worst in every situation. DO smile just because it's Thursday. DO give people hugs just because you want to cop a feel. DO have a positive attitude even when it's difficult. DO believe in yourself & all of your crazy dreams. DO see life through rose colored glasses. DO dance around in your room every morning singing along to your favorite song. (That will help with the rose colored glasses thing.) I'm not saying people don't have bad days or a reason to be d in the ds (down in the dumps) but making an effort everyday to be happy & positive truly makes life a lot better.

For the month of March, let's all spread some happiness & shut down the cynicism all around us. I mean, March is a month with an entire day dedicated to getting drunk. COME ON!! It's obviously a month of love!!!! When people say mean/judgmental/negative things to me, I usually respond with "Why can't your first reaction be something nice?" or "I love you, too, man." It usually makes them feel really awkward. Fingers crossed this is a resolution that will stick for much longer than a month. LET'S MAKE PEOPLE SEE THE WORLD LIKE LISA FRANK! Please please please :)
Who's with me?!


  1. bahaha Lisa Frank style. I love it!!

  2. I'm with you 100%! Spreading happiness to everyone reading this, including me! Xo

  3. I love you and Lisa Frank. This post is perfection.

  4. i heart this. you're amazeballs.

  5. Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln

  6. I used to be really pessimistic but since dating, I've gotten better. I used to be really negative but I'm improving.. so.. I'm not so much of a dick!
    As far as Lisa Frank, it all sort of creeped me out and I wasn't a fan.

  7. I am in!! Let's Lisa Frank the world.

  8. Rainbow leapords of questionable sexuality are my fave exibit at the zoo. I tend to adopt a slightly pessimistic tone in my writing (though heavier on the sarcasm end and lighter on the dick, so to speak) but I'm definitely not pessimistic in everyday life. I find a little dick makes for good reading. (Not good for watching though... they're really so strange looking.)

  9. Btw I freaking love your blog - wasn't sure if that came across in the first note. Xo!

  10. You are definitely not the only one who does that! I love new beginnings, new months included!
    <3 Kiersten


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