The single most exciting event in my life took place yesterday, and I simply felt I would be remiss to not talk AT LENGTH about it on my blog. What extraordinary event was this, you ask? OH, NO BIG DEAL, JUST DIET COKE REPLIED TO ONE OF MY TWEETS! I mean, I'm not trying to brag- BUT I'M TRYING TO BRAG! Like, what have you done this week? Well if your answer doesn't involve having Diet Coke reply to one of your tweets, then you're just not that cool. Plain and simple. That's just the rules of the world. Look, I don't make the rules. I just follow them. OKAY?!
A lot of people like to tell me how unhealthy Diet Coke is for me, and how I need to stop drinking it and all this noise. Well, your pleas are about as effective as the "doctors" on My Weird Obsession- that is to say, NOT VERY! It really is in one ear and out the other. My brain can't even begin to fathom life without Diet Coke. You may call that an addiction- go ahead and judge. But I choose to call it the most important relationship in my life. People? Fuck people. All I need in the world is an ice cold DC & an open road. Okay, not really. I really like Mexican food & my BFFs, too. But if there is one thing in the world that I can't live without, it's my Diet Coke. A lot of people need a cup of coffee to start their morning... I need a DC. Trust me, I'm used to the weird looks and the "EW- IT'S 9AM!!!" comments and whatnot. But it's how I start my day! (I usually try to drink a few glasses of water first. Don't kill me.) I know there are healthier habits to develop, but I love my DC so much. Please don't judge me. It's true love.
I sort of feel like I can take the rest of the week off of life since the greatest thing has already happened. Like- what could possibly be better than Diet Coke replying to one of my tweets, assuring me that it loves me, too?!?!? I suppose I could win a lifetime supply of DC in a contest or something, but I haven't even entered any (this week.) So that's probably not going to happen. LIFE COULD NOT GET BETTER THAN IT IS RIGHT NOW!
Also, I just want to go on record and say that when I order a Diet Coke in a restaurant and the server asks "Is Pepsi okay?" I want to literally slap them across the face. That would be like if I ordered a cheese pizza and you said "Is a pastrami sandwich okay?" WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?!?!?! I realize it's an innocent question, but NO, Pepsi is not okay.... That being said, I literally always say "For sure, no problem!" with a smile. I'm too scared to stand up to "the man." (Yes, "the man" in this circumstance is a server.) I will say that of all the things I'm passionate about, Diet Coke is probably a-top the list, right behind women's rights. I kind of wish I was kidding. What do you guys think- am I crazy or do you love Diet Coke as much as I do?
Seriously... Thank you, Diet Coke. You make all of my dreams come true.