Friday, April 13, 2012

An Open Letter To All Women Everywhere


NOTE: Curse words aplenty, coming at you in this piece. Don't worry- you probably deserve it.

Dear Everyone With A Vagina,

If you could see me right now, I'm shaking my head in disappointment just like my Mom did when she caught me drinking in high school. (All twelve times.) (Just kidding... Errr...) Certainly not all of you are to blame here. I don't want to lump you all together, but since so many of you are fucking shit up, you've given me no other choice. See, there's this website called Is Anyone Up that is giving us ladies a bad name, especially because it is now suddenly getting a ton of attention from various media outlets, namely the Village Voice. (I'm not linking to the website itself because I have a vagina, and because of that fact alone, I simply can't link to the website. It's like against the rules of having a vag.) If you haven't visited the website, let me save you the trip. It is basically a site that allows ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-hook ups, ex-fuck buddies, what have you, to send in pictures of their exes naked and/or nearly naked for all of the internet to see. Basically, it's revenge porn. The website puts images that were sent privately up on the internet for everyone to see, usually with a reaction animated GIF at the bottom of each post. A while ago, the vibe of the website was to post tons of pictures of boys in bands with their wieners out, but it is now full of ladies, with messages from their exes above the naked pictures with comments like "This bitch deserves it." A lot of people are attacking Hunter Moore, the founder of Is Anyone Up, for giving people the online space to embarrass their exes. While he's certainly not at the top of my "Fave People of 2012" list, I don't think we should be blaming him entirely. I mean, sure if I saw him on the street, I may want to scissor kick him in the nads, but what good will that do? What we should be looking at here is the root cause of all of this- nekki pictures. You can't get caught with your pants down if you don't take your pants down. Which is to say, you can't have naked pictures published of you online if you aren't sending naked pictures to anyone. SHOCKING, right? What a revolutionary thought.

Part of me wants to give in to the plight of the innocent girl who was sexting her boyfriend cutesy "I love you" naked pictures. I feel for her. But it is 2012. If you know how to operate your camera phone, you know how easy it is for your boyfriend to blast a private photo out to all of his guy friends- or even worse, a douche like Hunter Moore. All it takes is the click of a couple buttons, and then boom- even your Grandma can Google your vag. That's one of the worst parts about Is Anyone Up- the photos are posted with screen caps of Facebook profiles, making it impossible for you to say "That's SO not me. That girl's boobs are like barely a B, we all know I'm a full C!" Also, the site is continuing to gain more and more popularity. That means that keeping your appearance on Is Anyone Up a secret in this day and age is almost impossible. Dirty little secrets don't exist on the internet anymore.

So here's what I have to say to you, ladies- STOP SENDING YOUR BOYFRIEND/FUCK-BUDDY/GUY YOU'RE TRYING TO SLEEP WITH NAKED PICTURES!!! The end. You won't have to cry about having naked pictures of you posted online, "ruining your life," if you never send anyone these pictures in the first place. That is it. If there is one thing you can avoid doing for the rest of your life, it should be this. I mean, really- how hard is it to keep your boobies in your bra and your vag in your undies?! Even if you think your boyfriend would never turn on you, and that you'll totes be together forever, may I just remind you that even Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt got divorced. There are no guarantees in life. Break-ups happen. And unfortunately someone usually ends up pissed off and seeking revenge. This revenge just might come in the form of the most intimate of photos being posted on a HUGE website for everyone to see. There is only one way to avoid this- don't send or take naked photos in the first place. If you do, you should be prepared to wake up one day to 87 missed calls from your friends and parents because your pretty little mug is now on the homepage of Is Anyone Up.

And that's all one thing- the "victims." The girls who are terrified their parents will see the pictures and no longer pay for their college tuition. My heart hurts for them, yet I still want to slap them in the face with a textbook. But there's something much worse than these girls. There is this small (but growing) contingency of girls self-submitting their photos to Is Anyone Up. I totally respect every woman's right to do whatever she wants with her body. It's yours, do your thing. But what I can't get right with is the motivation behind these self submitted photos by girls who are sometimes still in high school or freshmen in college. The fact that a lot of these girls are 18 and 19 is extremely disturbing to me. Having perspective when you're that young is really difficult. These young girls are going to this website for validation and acceptance. It's so misguided, it makes me want to cry. Validation and self-worth aren't found on the internet via pervy dudes hiding behind computer screens. Someone calling you hot on a website will is not like insta-happy your life. It could, however, insta-ruin your chances at getting a serious job in a few years though.

Websites like Is Anyone Up are where girls go to give up their dignity in the hopes of having guys give them attention. It just reeks of desperation and self-loathing. And some of these girls who self submit get made fun of mercilessly on the website. It's like the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial level of depressing. I mean, when you tweet things at Hunter Moore like "If you had aids, id still fuck you just to say i have aids and that i got aids from you" YOU RUIN THE WORLD FOR THE REST OF US. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS, LADIES! THIS IS WHY MEN ARE STILL MAKING "GET IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH" JOKES!!! Not okay, girls. I want a sani-wipe for my brain after reading tweets like that. Just... no. Unacceptable. He's gross, and you're gross for buying into his whole aura of douchebaggery. I just want to sit these girls down and give them a good Dr. Bailey lecture. Maybe that's all they really need. Probably not. More likely it's therapy that's needed. And maybe a hug from Mom & Dad. But a good lecture never hurt anybody.

Ugh, this whole thing makes me sad. Be smart ladies. Keep your clothes on when there are cameras around. Oh, and just so I don't seem totally anti-men- if the situation is reversed and you have a dick pic of your ex-boyf, do the right thing and keep it to yourself. As much as it may feel awesome to show all your friends and the internet how little it is, you wouldn't be happy if it was your body being put on blast. Moral of the story is this: keep your bizness to yourself and stop taking pictures of it. It's tacky and those "sexy eyes" aren't really working for you. I love you, but just... stop it. You're making the rest of us look bad.

16 comments:

  1. I love you, girly - you so fuhnny ;) totally agree. if you know it could happen, don't do it! Girls who willingly share naked/half naked photos of themselves anger me almost as much as Rihanna when she said she still respects the man who beat her up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks girlie! UGH- don't even get me started on RiRi. Oooft.

      Delete
  2. HEAR HEAR!!! Do these children (because what else can you call them) not understand that the internet is PERMANENT?! You can't delete anything you put out there! And if you think you can you're kidding yourself. One of these days your child of the future will be searching the 'net and stumble across a half nekkid pic of mom and be scarred for life and it will be YOUR FAULT. Or your ex boo who put the pic on there out of spite, but still really your fault for taking the pic in the first place. SELF RESPECT my friends. That's what the world needs. That and love. and my rant is done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU. You're SO right. Totally hit the nail on the head. I'm all for being adventurous and having fun, but you have to be smart about it!!

      Delete
  3. I remember hearing about this site a couple months ago and being completely disgusted! While I personally can't imagine sending such a photo to anyone, I think it's the couple's business. It's a free country, and you're old enough to make that decision.
    I find it entirely disgusting that exes are sending this stuff, people are supporting it, and some guy with nothing better to do MADE the site in the first place!
    <3 Kiersten

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally. I mean, I'm all for doing whatever you want in a relationship. Go nuts. Whatever. I just think these girls sound so dumb when they're SHOCKED that their ex submitted them. Once it's out there, that photo can go anywhere.

      And yeah, the dude that made the site is sitting pretty, making bank off advertising. Bummer.

      Delete
  4. I completely see what you're getting at here but I think there should be more blame on the petty, douche bag ex boyfriends (and girlfriends) who put them up. I think that the difference is intent, These girls (and boys!) send these photos to their bf/gf/fb to spice things up have a bit of fun or whatever but these douchebags are then putting up these photos with the intent of causing embarrassment and pain.

    Although I do agree that the best and only way to know that you wont get any naked picture of yourself on the internet is by not taking sexy photos of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I TOTALLY agree- the dudes (and ladies) submitting their exes are huge buttholes. I just figure it's better not to give anyone photographic weapons to hurt you with in the future, ya know? But srsly, they're the douchiest of the douches. Yuck.

      Delete
  5. If I could like this comment I would!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Against the rules of having a vag! HAHA! I agree with your whole post. Up one side and down the other! Just the thought of having my lady parts on display makes me sick! How can these girls send in their own pictures?! Who in the hell would objectify themselves like that?! The whole site is everything that is wrong with the world! Not too mention- what kind of a man would do that to someone they at least liked enough to get naked with?! Those a-holes should be thanking their lucky stars that a woman would get naked for them at all! UGGHH.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ugh, that site just sounds so very wrong. I don't really have an issue with people submitting pics of themselves, much like I have no problem with porn stars/strippers/call girls/etc. It's their bodies, so if that's what they want to do, then more power to them (though I do hope the barely-legal ones know what they're getting into and don't regret it later). It just sucks that jerks do crap like that to other people.

    ReplyDelete
  8. UGH! Thank you so much for this post. I'm a senior in high school, and I constantly have to hear girls whining about how their "dumb ass" boyfriend showed all of his friends their dirty pictures after they broke up. Cry me a river, honey, the real dumb ass is you if you thought sending your dirty pictures to the biggest player in school was a good idea.
    My thoughts have always been if you want to see your boyfriend/girlfriend naked, get naked in front of them, do whatever the heck you want, but don't send pictures!
    xo Heather
    http://ahopelessnotebook.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sister, I won't even let my HUSBAND snap photos of my bits. It has nothing to do with trust or body issues or whatever, but honestly I fell like it just always goes wrong at some point, doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's so true. There are so many disgusting people on the internet that I would never send a naked picture to anyone ever. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a shower until the hot water runs out. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is pretty spot on. Though if you really, really want to and you’ve decided you’re absolutely going to send pictures (but yeah, still please don't), the best defense is to have some leverage. He wants pics of your parts, make him give you some of his. It’s only fair. Even if you’d never do it, he might think twice about posting something if he knew you had access to equally embarrassing photos of his (probably) tiny junk. I’m only half joking on that one.
    Though seriously, how does sending a full-on naked picture work to make things more exciting? Leave a little to the imagination, make him work for it, you know?

    ReplyDelete
  12. *erp* I feel a bit green. I mean, really? This is not only pathetic: it's downright creepy and gross. I totally agree with you! Eek!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment! It's lovely hearing from you :)