Friday, April 13, 2012
An Open Letter To All Women Everywhere
NOTE: Curse words aplenty, coming at you in this piece. Don't worry- you probably deserve it.
Dear Everyone With A Vagina,
If you could see me right now, I'm shaking my head in disappointment just like my Mom did when she caught me drinking in high school. (All twelve times.) (Just kidding... Errr...) Certainly not all of you are to blame here. I don't want to lump you all together, but since so many of you are fucking shit up, you've given me no other choice. See, there's this website called Is Anyone Up that is giving us ladies a bad name, especially because it is now suddenly getting a ton of attention from various media outlets, namely the Village Voice. (I'm not linking to the website itself because I have a vagina, and because of that fact alone, I simply can't link to the website. It's like against the rules of having a vag.) If you haven't visited the website, let me save you the trip. It is basically a site that allows ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-hook ups, ex-fuck buddies, what have you, to send in pictures of their exes naked and/or nearly naked for all of the internet to see. Basically, it's revenge porn. The website puts images that were sent privately up on the internet for everyone to see, usually with a reaction animated GIF at the bottom of each post. A while ago, the vibe of the website was to post tons of pictures of boys in bands with their wieners out, but it is now full of ladies, with messages from their exes above the naked pictures with comments like "This bitch deserves it." A lot of people are attacking Hunter Moore, the founder of Is Anyone Up, for giving people the online space to embarrass their exes. While he's certainly not at the top of my "Fave People of 2012" list, I don't think we should be blaming him entirely. I mean, sure if I saw him on the street, I may want to scissor kick him in the nads, but what good will that do? What we should be looking at here is the root cause of all of this- nekki pictures. You can't get caught with your pants down if you don't take your pants down. Which is to say, you can't have naked pictures published of you online if you aren't sending naked pictures to anyone. SHOCKING, right? What a revolutionary thought.
Part of me wants to give in to the plight of the innocent girl who was sexting her boyfriend cutesy "I love you" naked pictures. I feel for her. But it is 2012. If you know how to operate your camera phone, you know how easy it is for your boyfriend to blast a private photo out to all of his guy friends- or even worse, a douche like Hunter Moore. All it takes is the click of a couple buttons, and then boom- even your Grandma can Google your vag. That's one of the worst parts about Is Anyone Up- the photos are posted with screen caps of Facebook profiles, making it impossible for you to say "That's SO not me. That girl's boobs are like barely a B, we all know I'm a full C!" Also, the site is continuing to gain more and more popularity. That means that keeping your appearance on Is Anyone Up a secret in this day and age is almost impossible. Dirty little secrets don't exist on the internet anymore.
So here's what I have to say to you, ladies- STOP SENDING YOUR BOYFRIEND/FUCK-BUDDY/GUY YOU'RE TRYING TO SLEEP WITH NAKED PICTURES!!! The end. You won't have to cry about having naked pictures of you posted online, "ruining your life," if you never send anyone these pictures in the first place. That is it. If there is one thing you can avoid doing for the rest of your life, it should be this. I mean, really- how hard is it to keep your boobies in your bra and your vag in your undies?! Even if you think your boyfriend would never turn on you, and that you'll totes be together forever, may I just remind you that even Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt got divorced. There are no guarantees in life. Break-ups happen. And unfortunately someone usually ends up pissed off and seeking revenge. This revenge just might come in the form of the most intimate of photos being posted on a HUGE website for everyone to see. There is only one way to avoid this- don't send or take naked photos in the first place. If you do, you should be prepared to wake up one day to 87 missed calls from your friends and parents because your pretty little mug is now on the homepage of Is Anyone Up.
And that's all one thing- the "victims." The girls who are terrified their parents will see the pictures and no longer pay for their college tuition. My heart hurts for them, yet I still want to slap them in the face with a textbook. But there's something much worse than these girls. There is this small (but growing) contingency of girls self-submitting their photos to Is Anyone Up. I totally respect every woman's right to do whatever she wants with her body. It's yours, do your thing. But what I can't get right with is the motivation behind these self submitted photos by girls who are sometimes still in high school or freshmen in college. The fact that a lot of these girls are 18 and 19 is extremely disturbing to me. Having perspective when you're that young is really difficult. These young girls are going to this website for validation and acceptance. It's so misguided, it makes me want to cry. Validation and self-worth aren't found on the internet via pervy dudes hiding behind computer screens. Someone calling you hot on a website will is not like insta-happy your life. It could, however, insta-ruin your chances at getting a serious job in a few years though.
Websites like Is Anyone Up are where girls go to give up their dignity in the hopes of having guys give them attention. It just reeks of desperation and self-loathing. And some of these girls who self submit get made fun of mercilessly on the website. It's like the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial level of depressing. I mean, when you tweet things at Hunter Moore like "If you had aids, id still fuck you just to say i have aids and that i got aids from you" YOU RUIN THE WORLD FOR THE REST OF US. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS, LADIES! THIS IS WHY MEN ARE STILL MAKING "GET IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH" JOKES!!! Not okay, girls. I want a sani-wipe for my brain after reading tweets like that. Just... no. Unacceptable. He's gross, and you're gross for buying into his whole aura of douchebaggery. I just want to sit these girls down and give them a good Dr. Bailey lecture. Maybe that's all they really need. Probably not. More likely it's therapy that's needed. And maybe a hug from Mom & Dad. But a good lecture never hurt anybody.
Ugh, this whole thing makes me sad. Be smart ladies. Keep your clothes on when there are cameras around. Oh, and just so I don't seem totally anti-men- if the situation is reversed and you have a dick pic of your ex-boyf, do the right thing and keep it to yourself. As much as it may feel awesome to show all your friends and the internet how little it is, you wouldn't be happy if it was your body being put on blast. Moral of the story is this: keep your bizness to yourself and stop taking pictures of it. It's tacky and those "sexy eyes" aren't really working for you. I love you, but just... stop it. You're making the rest of us look bad.