A little design for fun, some musical motivation & a life check-in.
Lately I've been feeling pretty unmotivated and confused about that little ominous hovering cloud in the distance called my future. Knowing that I'll be living in Los Angeles in a few months, I'm feeling extremely confused here in Ohio. It's difficult to feel motivated to make shit happen and work on projects, when I know I'll be uprooting my life soon. It's like I know my world is going to be so different in the near future, that I feel utterly powerless over my present. Yes, I'm aware that my head is a total mess. Being this age is tougher than they tell you. I wasn't kidding when I said in my vlog that I'm so excited to move and that I just want to fast forward to moving day. (Or more accurately, the day after moving day. If I could bypass all the packing and lugging of boxes, I would do it in a heartbeat.) This limbo is killing me! I've just been feeling completely unmotivated to do anything and everything.
I mean, I'm working on stuff. I'm not a huge loser. I do have projects I'm working on and things I'm trying to get going. I just get extremely frustrated not knowing what I'll be doing with my life in a few months. No matter how hard I work on everything else, blog included, I'll be applying for jobs in LA soon enough and I have NO idea what I'll end up doing. Essentially, I'm just an overly controlling person dealing with a situation that is, as of right now, out of my control. I don't deal well with feeling out of control. At all. Like, I could strangle a bitch. It would be SO different if I knew where I'd be working or what I'd be working on, but unfortunately my Magic 8 ball just keeps telling me to check back later.
So what am I doing about this mess of a situation that is my life for the next few months? Well, for starters I'm blogging about it. Getting it all these feelings and junk out there makes me feel better. So that's step one. Next, I'm setting small goals for myself. Nothing massive like "Save the Earth from Global Warming" because then what would Al Gore do? But small weekly goals to make myself be productive and GSD (get shit done.) This way, before you know it, I'll have accomplished a crap load of stuff, without feeling too bogged down with life on a daily basis. I like accomplishing goals, it's just that when they're so massively huge, it's hard to even wrap my brain around them. So by breaking them down into bits to do every day and every week, they become manageable. Even still, motivation is hard to find some days. My ultimate go-to is music. Some songs just put me in the frame of mind to GSD. Just earlier today, I was listening to one my all-time favorite bands, Against Me!, and started feeling all kinds of inspired again. I decided that I couldn't NOT share it with you guys, just in case you don't already know and love it. This single line provides me with endless motivation:
Do you remember when we were young & we wanted to set the world on fire?
The Against Me! song, "I Was A Teenage Anarchist" completely reminds me of the way I used to feel about life as a kid. The lyrics are some of my favorite ever written. I can remember being like 14 and thinking that as soon as high school was over, I was going to bust out of Ohio and take the world by storm. I didn't know how, but damn it if I wasn't going to do it. It's easy to look back and think of how naive I was and laugh at that little girl for foolishly thinking she could do whatever she wanted to do with her life. (It's also easy to laugh at her because she wore knee high socks with shorts and sandals and REALLY didn't know how to flat-iron her hair.) But I'd be lying if I said I don't have immense respect for that little dumbass kid. That kid wanted to do SO much in the future, and saw endless possibilities to come. I never want to lose that part of me, you know? That part that blindly believes that things will work out, that I will achieve all of my insanely lofty goals, that I can accomplish the things I set out to, and maybe even one day have a bookshelf built into my stairs. (DREAM BIG, PEOPLE!) I don't know. I just want to do it all... Music is a hell of a motivator.
Anyway, on the off chance that you're feeling uninspired and confused about life in general- watch this video and remember to listen to that annoying little kid inside you telling you to do something awesome with your life. (If you don't think it has a happy ending, you're not watching and/or listening closely enough.) What do you guys do when you're feeling confused & unmotivated?