Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Top 5 Things You Should Learn In College


Now that I'm the super-mature age of 24, I feel like I can finally pull off the whole "wise but not jaded" thing. I mean, I'm no Yoda or anything. But maybe like cousins with a guy who knew Yoda once. That's the level of wisdom I'm comfortable claiming at this point in my life. Although going to NYU didn't give me what one would call the "typical" college experience, I think I know a thing or two about being a young wannabe delinquent. My time pre-college and during college taught me so much. Truthfully, I've probably learned more about figuring out the confusion of life and finding my proverbial purpose in the years after college. But that's neither here nor there. Right now, this ghetto-fied Yoda impersonator wants to tell you about what you should actually be learning in college. No, not complicated math formulas or how to conjugate irregular Spanish verbs in the present subjunctive tense. I'm talking about the important lessons and skills learned mostly outside of the classroom. If, by the time you graduate college, you don't know these life lessons, someone has failed you. Or, more likely, you've failed yourself AND your country. {JK, this isn't that serious.}


5. Basic Grammar- I have this belief that all humans should know the difference between it's and its, your and you're, their and there, to and too (or two), etc.  I don't think this is a revolutionary idea in any way, but I do know plenty of college graduates that still mess all of these simple grammar rules up on the regs. Not to sound snotty or whatever {even though I obviously SO am}, but it makes me cringe! It's such a simple thing to learn, but a lot of people just don't take the time. Mainly because they're SUPER SUPER DUMB. JK, not really. But still. If you're going to put Degree: Bachelor of Arts or Degree: Bachelor of Science or whatever on your resume, I think that comes with the general assumption that you understand some grammar basics and you're not a total idiot. Also, I just really like talking about grammar to anyone who will listen because I'm a huge nerd like that. So let's review some basic grammar:

It's- Contraction for it is or it has. It's hot outside.
Its- Possessive pronoun meaning belonging to. Take the baby- make sure you hold its head up.
Their- Possessive form of they. This is their house. {Referring to multiple people owning a house.}
There- In or at a location. Let's walk over there.
To- Indicates motion or direction, as well as about a million other things. We're going to the mall.
Too- Meaning in addition to or also. Or something to a higher degree. We want to go, too!
Two- The number, you dumbasses. I have not one, but two apples.
Whose- Belonging to a person. Whose turn is it?
Who's- Contraction of who is or who has. Who's that over there?

This has been a grammar lesson with Carmen. I hope you're all a million times smarter now. YOU'RE FREAKING WELCOME, DOUCHEBAGS. {I'd be an amazing 2nd grade English teacher. You can swear at kids now in school, right?}

4. At Least A Few Things You're Passionate About- College is a time of experimentation- and I'm not just talking about the sexual kind or the kind you do in Chem lab. In terms of "finding yourself," 18-22 is a really pivotal time. It's a time where you are free to experiment with new passions, try things and fail, try things and succeed. More than anything, my college experience {as well as the years that followed} taught me a lot about what I don't want. I know that sounds really negative, but hear me out. If you have a list of 50 possible options for your future, knocking 34 things off that list in college is just 34 steps closer to finding that one thing you really want to do with your life. Or maybe the six things you want to do with your life. Whatever the case may be. This narrowing down of potential future goals also opened my eyes to a TON of new things that I love. Maybe I won't make my career out of them, but at least I learned a bit more about them and explored my interests. But I also had a few passions sparked while in college, especially my interest in feminism. I had always been what one would call a "feminist" but it wasn't until taking a class at NYU and meeting some kickass professors and students that I really got into the idea of feminist theory and women's studies. For everyone else, it may not come in the form of a class. It could be a club, or an open mic night, a poetry reading or a professor who opens you up to a new interest. I don't know. But finding some things you care about is really what college is all about. {Surprisingly it's NOT just an excuse to get drunk.}

3. Who You Should and Shouldn't Sleep With/Date- This is one that some women don't master until they're 40, but you'd be doing yourself a favor to learn it in college. It's the perfect time to get all of your mistakes out of the way. I have what has been determined by just about everyone in my life to be the worst taste in men. Seriously. It's a well documented fact. But be better than me- learn how not to love losers. And more importantly that sleeping with your super hot, undeniably interested TA or professor will never ever ever work out as you had planned. Go ahead and figure it out the hard way, but then take this heartbreak caused by a man who wears elbow patches, and truly learn from it. For me, certain guys are just cut from the list of possible options for suitors, some because I've had bad experiences in the past, and some because I just know better. Guys in bands, my boss, guys I work with, guys who are related to my friends, my brother's friends, my friend's exes, bartenders, guys who wear Ed Hardy/Tapout, etc. Of course, there is an exception to every rule {I'm just really bad at sticking to rules} but at least being able to identify the right and wrong dudes is a step in the right direction. Figure out your "no fly zone" dudes early on. They will likely be many of the aforementioned dudes on my list. Don't head into the abyss of your twenties thinking it's still okay to sleep with your friend's exes and shit because it SO isn't. Also, sloppy seconds. That's all I'm sayin'.

2. How To Discern Real Friends From Faux Friends- This is a toughie. Figuring out who's a lifelong BFF and who is only temporary is a difficult skill to master. I think I only truly learned it during my Senior year. Just because you're super close with someone for a semester because you're in a couple classes together, or you live close to each other does NOT mean this bitch is going to go to the pharmacy for you when you're home sick with the flu. She also might not even answer the phone when you call her in the middle of the night because your boyfriend dumped you. Or she might be a bombass chick who would do all of those things because she's awesome and she loves you. {Or HE might, in the case of a GBFF or a BBFF... Gay BFF or Boy BFF.} I think that's what it comes down to- true friends who love you for you, who would hold your hair back if you vomit, help you move out of your dorm/apartment, and who you can call both in happy times and in crisis. It's just really easy to confuse fun nights of drinking and partying with actual friendship. Finding that core group of girls/gay boys who will always be there for you to love and support you is seriously one of the best things you can get out of your college experience. And maybe you don't even meet them in college- maybe you meet them in the years after, or when you're 30. It really doesn't matter. But being able to discern a true friendship from a flighty month of partying and shopping excursions is an amazing skill to have. It will definitely come in handy.

1. How to Drink Without Throwing Up- This is like College 101. You start off Freshman year and most people are just basically vomiting all the time. If there's alcohol in or around a Freshman dorm, an upchuck fest is almost guaranteed. Having had experience with alcoholic beverages before entering NYU, (sorry Mom), my vomiting days were {mostly} behind me. Still, learning that lesson is tough at any age. Knowing your limit when drinking is a really tricky thing to master- mainly because it's mostly trial and error. When you first start imbibing, it's tough to wrap your head around the idea that 6 jello shots, 3 beers and like 4 Jack & Diets will always always always lead to an evening spent emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Everything tastes so good, how could it lead to vomit?! Well, it does. In excess, anything is bad for you. {Even water. I know that because I'm super smart.} By the time you graduate college, you should know your threshold for alcohol. How many drinks get you buzzed, how many get you tipsy, how many get you drunk, how many get you hammered, and even how many get you blackout. {I'm a lightweight- mine is 1 for a buzz, 2 for tipsy, 3-4 for drunk, 5 for hammered and 6-7 for total blackout.} Master the art of not-throwing-up, it will serve you well.

Hope this has been at least somewhat helpful. If you're in college, set your sights on learning these 5 things. If you're out of college, you probably have them mastered. If not, get on it! These are some life essentials. If this hot mess {me} has figured these out, then you definitely can, too. {Notice how I used "too" instead of "to" there? AHHH I LOVE GRAMMAR!!!!!!}


26 comments:

  1. Oh my god, I freaking love you....

    Yes, yes, a hundred times yes....I learned all of those things in college! Except I wish I could throw up sometimes after/during drinking because now that I'm old (wah!) I get THEE worst hangovers and I just cannot throw up.

    You are hilarious. Thank you for existing!

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    1. haha thanks lovey!!!
      Oh no! Sometimes NOT being able to throw up is actually worse than throwing up! That leads to hangovers from hell. Been there, hated that. Not fun at all! But at least you don't have to deal with throwing up after two beers or something. (I know a few girls who have the tolerance of like a goldfish. YIKES.)

      xoxo

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  2. Yessss! I love grammar too! We're on the same drinking scale, girl! Yay! LOL

    xx Adrian

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    1. LIGHTWEIGHTS!!! Hey, at least we're cheap dates :)

      xoxo

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  3. agree with you on number 5! i'm a huge grammar freak too! "your and you're" are my absolute fave, along with their brothers "its and it's" and sisters "their and they're". they make me sad. like for real. haha!

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    1. OMG. It's such an odd obsession, but I'm happy to hear so many other people feel the same way I do! Grammar nerd for life!!!

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  4. This post officially graduated your blog to the "favorites" folder in my reader.

    :)

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  5. YOU'RE amazing (correct grammar makes me so happy). One and five on your list like made my life, seriously.

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  6. You are SO right. I think so many people don't learn number five though...which is sad. And annoying.
    - Christen :> www.anunordinaryhello.com

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  7. Drinking without throwing up is a must in college if you don't know how then what do you have to show for yourself from college? Well besides that degree hanging on the wall...

    I need to master the fake friends from real friends part though...

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    1. The fake friendsies thing is something some people never learn. It's really difficult. But if you can drink without throwing up, you can probably master the art of discerning real BFFs from lame ass biddies.

      xoxo

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  8. This is too clever. I'm a junior in college and can just about check these all off... almost :)

    xo Shane

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  9. Best college tips ever! I think I've mastered them all (for the most part) but still have years of college left! ;D

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  10. Oh my gosh, why is grammar not learnt in primary school? Or basic spelling? It's actually disgraceful and makes me feel like an elderly person disgusted by this generation!

    And number 1. Not sure I'm 100% there yet, but I sure plan to be by the time I graduate!!!
    XO Samantha

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    1. I agree!!! Certain grammar mistakes just BUG me!

      #1 is a toughie. It's something sometimes you THINK you've learned completely, but before you know it, you have one too many and are upchucking in a parking lot or something. It happens to the best of us. You'll master it sooner or later!

      xoxo

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  11. THANK YOU!!

    And I've always wanted to go to NYU, but my parents say it's waaaay too pricey. Did you get a scholarship? Did you enjoy your time there? Maybe you should make a whole NYU post! haha

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    1. I really liked the NYU experience & I actually did get some scholarships but had to take loans, too. Definitely recommend it to anyone- there's nothing like it. Living in the city, meeting all kinds of people, great professors, etc. But keep in mind- being in debt SUCKS. Weigh out your options :)

      xoxo

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  12. "Two- The number, you dumbasses. I have not one, but two apples." I legit spit my drink on the computer. Great post!

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  13. Before you go preaching on grammar, might want to double-check your first paragraph. ("of" should be "off" in first sentence; "cousin's" should be "cousins" in second sentence)

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    1. Hey, thanks for catching that! Those were typos though, nothing to do with grammar :)

      THANKS GURLLLL!

      xoxo

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Thank you for taking the time to comment! It's lovely hearing from you :)