Thursday, July 26, 2012

THE SANDWICH DEBATE: PART II

Well, I hope you all enjoyed reading Amelita spew blasphemous discrimination against open faced sandwiches this morning. Twas tough for me to even publish such hurtful words against sandwiches on my very own blog. But a girl has to do what she has to do- and as a citizen of this democratic nation, it was my political obligation to hear from the other side. Now let's prove those bitches wrong.

Ladies & germs, it is my sincere belief that open faced sandwiches are sandwiches. I am here, blogging before you, to defend the rights of all kinds of sandwiches out there. I am but a mere little representative for sandwich equality. While I acknowledge Amelita's point that sandwiches typically consist of two pieces of bread with lettuce, tomatoes, ham, or whatever in between, I feel we, as a culture, have moved beyond that. We are a people of evolution- of change! Not too long ago, marriage was something that was just between a man and a woman, but no longer! Our great nation has pushed for change, and gay marriage is a reality in many states in the United States today. And why shouldn't it be? SAME GOES FOR SANDWICHES, PEOPLE! {In case you're just tuning in, yes I just likened sandwiches to gay marriage.} Open faced sandwiches want the same equality as gay men and women. You don't have to EAT them, you just have to let other people eat them... And call them sandwiches. Recognizing open faced sandwiches as sandwiches doesn't make regular a sandwich any less of a sandwich. It's just THAT simple!

Now, let's delve a little deeper into the world of sandwiches my friends and fellow sandwich aficionados. Now, I'd like to move on from comparing sandwiches to gay marriage, and start comparing them to families. JOIN ME ON THIS JOURNEY! I would like to acknowledge that a family consisting of only one parent- be it a Mom or a Dad- is no less of a family. Having two parents doesn't make you a family. We all know that love, compassion, and being able to yell things like "I HATE YOU AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP TONIGHT!" at each other and get over it the next day, is what makes a family a family! Similarly, I would argue that the contents of a sandwich are what truly makes a sandwich a sandwich. If you have a piece of ciabatta bread, topped with lettuce, onions, green bell peppers and turkey, you can't tell me that sucker's not a sandwich. While it may look different from other sandwiches, it still has all the important elements inside that make it a sandwich- just like a family with one Mommy still has all the elements inside to make it a family. The lettuce is like love, the turkey is compassion... You guys get my point. I'm not trying to convince anyone that toasted bread with butter on top is a sandwich- clearly it's not. But what I am saying is that a piece of bread topped with sandwich fixins is sure as shit a sandwich! Open your minds, people!!!

While I understand Amelita's point that the word "sandwich" when used as a verb can mean "To insert or squeeze (someone or something) between two other people or things, typically in a restricted space or so as to be uncomfortable." But I simply recognize this as a facet of the word "sandwich." I recognize that, when used as a verb, the word "sandwich" requires two things- such as two pieces of bread. But I am here to discuss the word "sandwich" as a noun. I do not fight this good fight on behalf of "sandwich" the verb. That is someone else's cause to champion. In terms of the definition of the noun "sandwich" I would like to see it broadened to include open faced sandwiches. Hell, if the Constitution is up for interpretation, the very definition of sandwiches should be, too! We live in a world that is constantly evolving. Things are always changing. As the old saying goes, "The only constant thing in life is change." I mean, HELLO- look at Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! {Sidenote- OMG. SAD.} I would like to see this change and evolution extended beyond celebrity couples and marriage rights and into the world of sandwiches. Let us not be bound by old, outdated definitions. Let us rejoice in the evolution of the sandwich! Let us reinterpret the meaning of the noun "sandwich" just as our courts reinterpret the Constitution!

Kind people of the jury, I would ask that you please keep an open mind when it comes to open faced sandwiches. I am just asking that you recognize them for what they are- SANDWICHES, just like Neil Patrick Harris & all other fabulous gay men (and lesbians) ask that you simply recognize their marriage as A MARRIAGE. Sure, you still might call it gay marriage, but we still recognize it under the umbrella of marriage. I would like to see to it that open faced sandwiches get the same respect. You can, of course, still refer to them as open faced sandwiches, but please- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD- recognize them under the umbrella of sandwiches. One day, I hope we live in a world where it is just called marriage, and they are just called sandwiches. But until then, my friends, I will soldier on- fighting the good fight. Thank you and good night.

Fellow sandwich lovers (AKA EVERYONE IN THE WORLD) please weigh in on this debate below in the comments. Are open faced sandwiches considered sandwiches?


7 comments:

  1. So I can't remember exactly how I stumbled on your blog but GRRL I picked a good day to find it! I've considered both arguments of this debate and while they're each eloquent and well presented, I'm with Drew/you. Team Sandwich all.the.way. PS I'm Team This Blog all the way. You're hilarious ladyfriend.

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    1. Thanks, love!! You're so sweet :)
      Team Sandwich all day every day!
      xoxo

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  2. +1 for Team Sandwich! It's called an open faced "sandwich" because it IS one! You wouldn't call it "a piece of bread with toppings thing" or "openfaced (insert any word other than sandwich)". It just wouldn't make sense. It's a sandwich. Yes. :)

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  3. Ah, I gotta agree with you lady. sammiches are sammiches. open faced or not. I know I've taken a single slice of bread, thrown some bologna and mustard on that sucka and then folded it in half *BAM* SAMMICH!!!! so if an openfaced sammich isn't a sammich than what is it?

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Thank you for taking the time to comment! It's lovely hearing from you :)