Thursday, August 9, 2012

22 Days.

So it's getting to be that time, as crazy as that sounds. 22 days and I'll be heading out West. Reading that number makes me laugh for some reason because it seems so unbelievably small. For so long, I've been referring to my inevitable move to LA in months- 6 months, 4 months, 2 months- and then suddenly, it's a matter of days. It feels like I accidentally took a really long nap, and everyone just forgot to wake me up. Then my body woke me up randomly with a jolt, and now I'm pissed off at everyone because they forgot to wake me up and I only have 7 minutes to shower before we have to leave. Like, proverbially. Ya know? Anyway, now it's only a few weeks until I'll be a resident of the west coast and saying goodbye to Ohio. How ridiculous does that sound?

Over the next 22 days, I'm sure my emotions are going to be even more out of control than usual. That's the only warning you guys are getting. I'm leaving Ohio for a while, and tears will definitely be shed. The love I have for everything about my hometown is something I don't think I'll ever be able to properly describe. {Although I'll probably spend the better part of my life trying.} Ohio is the kind of place that, from the outside, seems boring. Flat. Midwest. Whatever. But on the inside is pretty spectacular. Full of kind people, beautiful farm land, busy cities full of life, and tons of interesting little nooks and crannies to discover. Oh, and Cedar Point. It really is the perfect place to grow up. Somehow I feel like I already miss it, even now. It's such an essential part of me. Melodramatic nostalgia is kicking in, obviously. But in between all of that emotional drama, I'll also be packing. Oh, the packing. It's crazy how much crap one girl can accumulate in 24 years. I'll also probably be spending an inordinate amount of time in my childhood bedroom listening to Elliott Smith and writing about my feelings. You know, like a mature adult who totally has control over her emotions.

As sad as I am to leave, I know that it's a really important step for me. I left for New York, now it's time to leave for LA. This is the beginning of a whole new beginning for me. I just have to say goodbye to Ohio first and move onto new adventures. It's time for some big changes in my life... And no matter how sad I am to leave, I'm even more excited for what's to come. I feel really fortunate to have this little online space to document the next crazy bit of my life. This big transition reminds me of something Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem said in a Live Stream a couple weeks ago. It sums up how I feel about leaving pretty beautifully:

Where you're from shouldn't define you, because most people have become successful or famous have left where they're from in order to find themselves- because your circumstances can define you in the place that you are. And in order to become your own person, which is what I'm focused on now, you need to leave the things that influenced you the most. Or else they'll become... fake, which is the worst thing that could happen.

xo Carmen

photo via, lyrics by the world is a beautiful place and i am no longer afraid to die, design by cheeky cheeky.

4 comments:

  1. I know what you mean! I'm gearing up for a big move as well and it's always been 6 months away and all that, but now it's only 8 days for me! Crazy :) Can't wait to read about all your new adventures!

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  2. Aww, I hope the best for you in your new home here in California!! I'm sure you'll grow to love it as much as your last home. Looking forward to reading about your new adventures :)

    Love from Horses of Ares

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  3. As an Ohio-to-LA transplant i understand what you're going through. It was so hard to leave even though I knew it was the best thing I could do for myself. I've been here 11mos. now and I don't think I'll ever go back...the west coast is where it's at and I'm sure you'll fit right in!

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  4. good luck with all the moving!!! you should have a meet up with your LA readers!!!! :)

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