Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Top 5 Ways To Get A Good Cry

There are two kinds of people in the world. {That's not true.} Those who cry and those who do not, and/or pretend they do not. I, myself, happen to be a person that cries almost daily. Seriously. That is in no way an exaggeration. I could cry at almost any moment throughout the day, for any reason at all. Sometimes, I cry because I'm sad or because I'm happy, but a lot of times I cry because I just feel SO MANY EMOTIONS. If you automatically know what I mean by this, we could probably be best friends. For the rest of you- allow me to explain the thought process of a completely irrational human being who is totally insane...

Have you ever just felt a lot of emotions for no reason in particular? You don't know why, but you just feel it all. Like, you wake up in the morning and there's this little dude hanging out with you all day, just chained to your foot, bumming you out. Maybe he's insulting you all day, or reminding you of that time you lost that game of Poison Ball in 4th grade and everyone made fun of you, or talking about the fact that we still don't know who killed Biggie, or telling you that you're going to die alone one day and your cat is going to eat your face off. Whatever it is- this fake little dude chained to you is a MAJOR buzzkill and brings up anything and everything that makes you feel all sorts of emotional. That's scenario one- proverbial little dude who makes you sad all day for no particular reason.

Scenario two involves sadness caused by a legit thing that's a legit bummer, that legit makes you want to cry. Like a friend dying 5 years ago, or getting yelled at by your jerkhole boss, or having a fat day or something. {SHIT JUST GOT REAL.} And it's not like you always want to cry or anything, but some days you're just like "OMG LIFE IS HARD" and sort of want to let it all out. And what do you do? Do you fight it and avoid your emotions? Or do you give in, and let your emotions take hold of you? I tend to favor crying like a baby at any and all times. That's just me and my bag of crazy. Maybe you tend to favor holding it all in. That may seem like it's working right now, but that's probably going to lead to both emotional and physical constipation. Soon, you'll be wishing you let some of that shit out. Sometimes though, it's hard to break that emotional barrier and let yourself cry. I'm not a person that usually has this problem, obviously. But once in a blue moon, I'll have a bout of tearlessness. It's usually because I'm feeling REALLY sad and I'm overly focusing on something depressing, and my tear ducts protest this sadness by going on strike. Have no fear- I don't let this stop me from getting my emotions out. Because I'm completely crazy and have no sense of what normal people do with their lives, I have compiled a list of my favorite cry inducing activities that work every single time. Like, I don't know how people deal with their lives without this stuff. GET YOUR CRY ON. ALL DAY, EVERYDAY. {Not actually. Maybe just like sometimes after work when your roommate isn't home or before bed or something.}

5. Watch Intervention- I can't even with this show. It's like I hear the theme music and my eyes start oozing out tears involuntarily. If you live under a rock or are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol yourself, maybe you've missed out on the cultural phenomenon that is Intervention. Basically, addicts sign up for the show under the pretense that they're participating in a "documentary about addiction" meanwhile, their family and friends plan an intervention behind their backs. {GASP!} But throughout the show you get to hear the addict's whole story, why they're such a mess, which family member inevitably enables their addiction, and you get to peek behind the curtain into  the life of a struggling addict. IT'S CRAZY REAL. I'm not going to lie- this show makes me uncomfortable as hell. I have even been known to literally scream at the TV/my Mom and run out of the room to avoid actually sitting down and watching it. And why? Because I don't like to get depressed and watching people shoot up and stuff makes me want to tear my eyes out!!!!! {I also have this irrational fear that I'm going to become a drug addict living on the streets with my junkie boyfriend who's secretly gay but just uses me to score. That's not a normal fear... I know. I see years of therapy in my future, too, guys. Don't worry.} ANYWAY- this show could bring even the strongest of men to tears. I mean, almost every episode shows a dad sobbing, asking his kid to "get the help you so desperately need!!!!" GAHHHH. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Sometimes they get better- they go to treatment and you see them getting their lives back together. But then sometimes they don't, and that's when I'm just like "I want to cry forever and ever and just never stop ever." And then you do because that's your right as a human.

4. Watch The Olympics/People Winning Stuff- So the past two weeks have basically been an excuse for me to cry 24/7 and say "God, I just love America SO MUCH!" Truth is, I'm getting in some quality cry time and it feels AWESOME. I love a good happy/celebration cry. I just really like seeing people win things! It's pretty much my favorite thing ever. My biggest cries of the Olympics were the USA Women's Gymnastics team winning Gold, anything having to do with Michael Phelps, Mo Farah winning Gold & his training partner, Galen Rupp, winning Silver in the 10,000 m {Side note: does anyone want to start a Mo Farah fan site with me? I'll provide original video content in which I just talk for hours on end about how awesome he is.} And of course, my girls, Misty May-Treanor & Kerri Walsh winning Gold. I secretly think the Olympics were created just to make sure that humans across the globe are doing enough crying. Makes total sense. When the Olympics aren't on, though, it's possible to get your warm-hearted cry on. Watching Phillip Phillips win American Idol this year- HOLY SHIT. The tears. Oh, the tears. And any Susan Boyle-type video I can find online {namely this one} is pretty much my greatest aide in a cryathon.

3. Listen to "The Funeral" by Band of Horses/"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World/"James" by Zach Williams/"Over You" by Miranda Lambert/"Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You" by Kellie Pickler/"Skyscraper" by Demi Lovato/"Here's Looking At You Kid" by The Gaslight Anthem/"There Is" by Boxcar Racer/"I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by DCfC/Anything by Elliott Smith- Everyone knows the easiest way to cry is to sit in your room, alone, and listen to sad, pathetic music. It works REALLY well. These songs are some of my favorite cry inducers that work extremely well in welling up the tears. {Maybe I should start a side business in which I just curate people's cries & find them sad songs. Could we convince people to pay me for that?} Sometimes sad music makes me cry because the song is just that depressing and/or beautiful. But other times it makes me think of a ton of sad shit, like my dog dying or something {really happened, and really makes me sad} and I just lose it. This has the tendency to shift into a real real cry quite quickly so tread lightly, my friends. Before you know it, you'll be rocking back and forth sobbing "I DID MY BEST!" unable to stop crying for hours. I'm not trying to ruin your lives here or anything, just get you to express some healthy emotion! Still, there's nothing quite like a few tears shed over a Death Cab song. Not like I do that every day or anything. My friend was just telling me that she does it all the time. What a freak. TOTALLY not me. At all. Defs not. Nope.

2. Think about the fact that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams aren't together anymore- Seriously, just do it. Think about that kiss they had on the VMAs. Remember the good times & how they were meant to be together forever. Now think about how the world savagely ripped them apart and they're no longer a couple. HOW IS THIS FAIR?! HOW DOES LIFE WORK LIKE THIS?!??!?! Other couples that this works for: Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt, Rachel Bilson & Adam Brody, Zooey Deschanel & Ben Gibbard, you & whatever boy you're pining over. You get the gist. Life is unfair. And that unfairness has resulted in our {and by our I mean the world's} inability to force celebrity couples to stay together even though we clearly know what's best for them. WHY, GOD?! WHY?!!! Let the tears fall.

1. Try on your jeans from high school- Guaranteed tear starter. "How do these not zip?! Maybe if I do lunges first, they'll fit. Just gotta stretch 'em out a bit. I'm sure they just shrunk by sitting in my dresser. That makes sense right? Physics works like that, doesn't it? Can you help me zip these?! I'll stop breathing, and you pull! DON'T ZIP MY SKIN OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Works like a charm. Auto-tears. But if you happen to be one of those freaks who got skinnier after high school, this defs won't work for you. In that case though, we're probably not even friends. So whatever.

Okay guys, there you have it. I encourage you all to make crying a part of your daily lives. It will lead to awesome emotional instability and make people not want to be around you at all... ever. So, yay you!

xo! Carmen


  1. number 1. number 1 is the ultimate tear jerker. damn.

  2. I can totally relate... When I want a good cry I watch P.S. I love you. Even listening to 'love you till the end ' by the pogues (song from the movie)will make me bawl...

  3. I am such a crier too! and I cry with all of these too... BUT im so good at it that I don't even need anything to start the tears

  4. Watching the ASPCA commercial with Sarah McLachlan always does it for me. I'm tearing up a litte thinking about it.

  5. Watching any soldier returning home video on YouTube, clips from The Notebook on YouTube, thinking about Ryan+Rachel like you said, all guaranteed tear jerkers.

    Oh and the YouTube video of the guy who released his pet lion and it remembered him years later.

  6. Oh goodness I cry through every single episode of intervention. I also balled during the entire Olympic games.

    Animal rescue shows and the movie Armageddon make me sob every single time.

  7. Can I tell you how much I love you? Because I really really really love you and this post. Not to be creepy. Just saying.

    I could cry over almost anything. Especially lately. It's like the tears don't end! and The Olympics. Omg. Don't even get me started.

    Also sad depressing music? Yep. ASPCA commercials? Yes. The Harry Potter books? Excuse me while I go bawl my eyes out. Anything and everything makes me cry. The end.

  8. #1 gets to me all the time...(tear) :P


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